Tag Archives: humor

Old Guy Humor

  • Because laughter is more dignified than whining.
  • The other day I was taking a long walk and just avoided getting caught in a thunderstorm. I took refuge under the local park admin building canopy. While there, I used the restroom inside, where they were having some kind of community event. A woman, obviously part of the event, saw me standing there and asked: “Are you here for the…?” “No”, I replied, “I’m just an old guy with a bladder.”
  • There’s a technique used to motivate oneself called gamification.  It essentially means turning work you have to do anyway into something like a video game in which tasks have point values and you are always aiming to raise your Highest Score.  So, applied to the perpetual chore of adapting to getting old, I’m going to rechristen the process “Game of Groans” in which I put down insurrections in each of the seven kingdoms of my anatomy as they rise in rebellion against me, the true-born heir to the Groan. 

Witticisms #1

Wha’d you call me?
  • My laptop insults me every time I turn it on.  I have a fingerprint reader, and it doesn’t recognize me if I’ve washed my hands.
  • What is the Large Hadron Collider, the pride of physics?  It’s two photons playing chicken at the speed of light in an innertube with a 25-mile circumference.
  • Those who think they’ve died and gone to heaven wake to find the weather hotter than they’d expected.
  • There’s a Miami firm, Atlantic Shutters.  They have a business contingency plan if global warming leads to rising sea levels. They’ll just change their name to Atlantis Shutters.